hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize