Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
