THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
