you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
