you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
