bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
