then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
