How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
