therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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