I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
