omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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