O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
