Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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