I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
