She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
