I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
ttyl tear gas
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
