I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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