wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
