Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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