is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
