Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
