They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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