fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
