She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
