Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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