we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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