At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize