my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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