absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My vagina is officially offended.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
