what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
