Can i not drive my cunt home
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize