Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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