She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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