Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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