Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
