Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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