even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
and she was petting her beer can
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
my liver is dry heaving
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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