I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
