I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
