he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
