My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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