Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
