i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize