Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I enjoy the company of your penis
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
