Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
