Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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