I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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