goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
