Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
