the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I need water and some morals
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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