At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
