WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
