Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
