Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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