Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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