Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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