I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
