I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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