but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
