By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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