my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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