This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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