What a fucking waste of an outfit
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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