I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
