woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
