Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
