what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
