He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize