just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
