Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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