I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
