is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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