Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
