whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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