Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
