Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
COCAINE IS GR8
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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