Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize