i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
