My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
