I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
