a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
