This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
