LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
