At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
