I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
