I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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