At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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