oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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