She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
