I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
