so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
